Determined as I was all day to not write a post tonight here I again sit at my keyboard drawn like a Moth to a flame. A Moth which at times carelessly flies too close to that very flame & other times frolics recklessly around it. But drawn I am & I can't seem to help myself. I do have an addictive personality & sometimes I do wonder if I have yet fallen into the grips of yet another obsession. Years ago a cigarette addiction gripped me for years as well did alcohol. I was an over the top coffee addict for a long time. They all seemed to be an obsession. On top of that I have this love/hate relationship with daily Blogging now & have had it for a number of years. I enjoy it, I look forward to writing every day, love traveling about searching out new photos & yet I become so frustrated with myself over my Blog. You have no doubt detected that love, hate, enjoyment & frustration in many if not all of my posts. I am one of those restless souls/Bloggers who many a time questions himself over what he writes. Can't help it, I'm just put together that way & my frustration & criticism with self is an ever present irritation which comes from within. I think back to things I have written & shake my head in disappointment while other times something I have written will bring a smile knowing it has helped someone somewhere. With each tap of that ‘Publish’ button every night goes out another piece of my inner self & maybe that is part & parcel of my overall problem. When is too much too much & not enough still too much. I probably take blogging way too seriously by putting too heavy a pressure on myself. But I take a lot of things seriously. I constantly worry about who I may have offended by my careless use of words at times. Who have I left out, who have I stepped on unintentionally & in a few cases I have to admit.....intentionally. I'm bothered by guilt at not reading or commenting on my fellow Blogger's posts like I did in my first 5 years of blogging. I look at my own sidebar & see all the folks I have listed there & I am touched by guilt that I have not been keeping up with most everybody anymore like i once did. I know this stuff probably doesn't bother most others but for me, like I said it's just the way I am put together. It is what has been ingrained into me from childhood & I have never been able to shake that over sensitivity. I do not travel with the every day luxury of confidence so many folks have. And I do not possess the Ego to carry me through everything regardless of how badly I may have stepped on someone’s toes. I guess that is noticeable when I am sometimes too quick to apologize & step back from something I have said that actually did not warrant an apology in the first place. Anyway, where am I going with all this tonight. I don't know. Like I said, it was not one of my better days & that came out though my keyboard tonight. Sometimes it's just best to dump all the cards on the table & let them fall where they may. People will think what they will think & life will move forward regardless..................................
I think most folks are just happy to hear of your meanderings, Al. The good and the bad, you keep it real, that's all that matters. Your blog is your blog and we are just happy to be privy to i! So quit beating yourself up and Cheers! :)ReplyDelete
I understand! Hang in there - a down day makes one appreciate the "UP" days.ReplyDelete
I sometimes get so sick of blogging but then if I try to take a few days off I can't stop writing. For me the worst part is when someone misunderstands what I write, and my intent when I write it. Sometimes if I gripe about a place or person I get criticized and it makes me wonder if the critic thinks I shouldn't have any feelings or thoughts of my own. But try as I might to stay away, I'm usually right back blogging. Hang in there, Al. It's a good outlet for your creativity, emotions and feelings, and there are no doubt many folks who share your thoughts but don't have the outlet to express them, and you validate their feelings.ReplyDelete
Hmmm...Al, I don't find this very wierd. Yea, I kinda hate how I can't ever remember the i before e rule! (Spell check does not count!) Just drives me to the brink of self hatred! Whatever the situation we find ourselves in, as you know this Too Shall pass!ReplyDelete
Thanks for sharing your Human with us!
Consider your blogging as a way of expressing those feelings that as you have said you would not be able to say directly to anyone in public. Consider it as a form of "Therapy". We all say things that at the time we said sounded ideal but in effect didn't come across the way we meant it to. (I once did that as a comment on one of your Blogs) Being able to have our say whether anyone disagrees is what is important. It's our quiet way of rocking the boat and making people wish they were us. Keep up the good work Al.ReplyDelete
Be Safe and Enjoy!
It's about time.
I recently thought AGAIN of getting rid of my blog. I took a couple of weeks off but just posted today and like you, back at the keyboard.ReplyDelete
It takes guts to write on the bad days or the times you are having negative thoughts but you lay it all out for those to read and analyze.
Everyday in Blogland cannot be cherries and ice cream. I enjoy reading everything that is written on your blog.
Do whatever you want or feel.
Blogging is a great way to let our inner feelings out and express ourselves. You do a very good job of that in your writings.ReplyDelete
Otherwise I think today was perfect weather for you to be our and about, using up some excess energy you may have and enjoy the fresh air.
At the risk of sounding "cliche'ish" (it's not a word) we all have those days Al. Look at it this way: The grass is always greener from this side of the earth, and you have Kelly & Pheebs to comfort you and assure you. You have our assurance too Al, that we will read your posts, even on your not-so-good days. Thanks for entertaining us all these years by sharing your life's events. Joe & NancyReplyDelete
Daily life comes with ups and downs, feelings, thoughts, and hopefully a sense of direction .....about so many things that come our way .... It is great that you are so good at expressing yourself in blog form..... It all comes along with your out of this world photos and your daily written chat ....such a treasure to receive !!! THANKS, AL!!
Retired life has it's downs as well as many ups.ReplyDelete
Today Kathy made me go on the shopping run. It was a rainy chilly 45 degree day and I was not happy about it. At the last store, she stepped into a foot deep puddle with her Zoomba shoes. She was not a bundle of joy after that.
Life goes on.
I've read several studies about creative people and depression. They go together, so you have to take the good with the bad, cause there ain't no choosin' - you want to feel the joy that goes with creativity, then you have to feel the doldrums that also go with it.ReplyDelete
Your blog is the flagship among all the others, and many of us look to you to keep ourselves going. Thanks for all the days you've posted whether you felt like it or not. Your blog was critical to my recovering my own raison d'être a couple of years ago and I'll never forget that. Thanks many times over.
I agree with all the comments above. Could not have said it better myself. I love your Blog and look for it every day. Keep it up plese!ReplyDelete
Ditto all of the above. No matter what you feel like saying, the fact that you say SOMETHING always makes my day a better one. I especially agree with Chinle about the creativity and the doldrums. You play a huge part in making this world a better place, Al. Let the knowledge of that fact lift you up when you are feeling down. You, and this blog of yours(and, of course, Kelly & Pheebes!) areReplyDelete
good or bad..happy or sad..your thoughts your blog!ReplyDelete
writing can seem like therapy for some!
Is agree with most of the other commenters. Just one addition. If you feel you should appologise, then you should do it. No appology comes to soon. Just my opinion.ReplyDelete
I hear you, Al. Some days I actually dread blogging. Some days I have nothing to blog about. Some days I just avoid it altogether. It just depends.ReplyDelete
Blogging is a love/hate relationship! No matter how hard I try to simply not care about content and responses, and focus just on my main intent of keeping a journal, ego and/or insecurity raise their ugly heads. I am honored and grateful to be on your blog roll.ReplyDelete
I love following your blog, just found you. But I have a hard time reading anything on a black background and will have to unsubscribe. Too bad!ReplyDelete